I’m typing this now, in the hope that what follows can save you time, just as it did for me. You can cut to the chase and enjoy the results you want. And if you are in a relationship, that it will start you on the road to getting the love you want and to build the relationship, family, and life of your dreams.
An important aspect of therapy or healing is removing the barriers within and between us, that stop us being the magnificent people we truly are and are called to be.
I’ve found that when we make the decision to identify our personal barriers, and take steps to remove them, it is a huge step forward.
We can dramatically change the results we have been getting. There is great power in deciding! As a point of interest, the meaning of the word decide, is to choose a course of action and cut off other options at the root.
When I began to apply the Winners and Losers principles in my own life many years ago, the result was dramatic.
In life, there are people who get what they want and there are people who don’t. You might call people who get what they want, Winners. And people who don’t get what they want, Losers. Losers are not necessarily worse people; they just don’t get what they want.
What percentage of small businesses for example, fail in the first five years?
Statistics say about 80%. Only 20% make it, despite trying really hard and spending a lot of money. Only 20% of small businesses succeed. But of course, those 20% that do, are often very, very successful.
Over the years, I’ve noticed that the 80/20 ratio seems to apply to many things. Thoreau, the great American philosopher, once said that most people lead lives of quiet desperation.
Our experience seems to indicate that most people don’t get what they want in life. They don’t get the happiness, success, love, fulfillment and peace of mind they want. The good news is, that can change.
So, applying all this to your relationship:
What are the 3 things that we can do, within yourself, to help you get what you want and be a winner? And what are the 3 things that you can stop doing that losers do? Success leaves footprints. So does failure.
1. LOSERS BLAME, and it is often someone else.
For example, a man says to his wife: “I had an affair because you don’t show me affection”.
Now it might be true that she does not show him affection. But blaming her and not finding another solution, resolves nothing.
Or she says to her partner: “I don’t go out on date nights with you, because you are boring”.
It might be true that he is boring, However, blaming him and not addressing that challenge, does not get her what she longs for.
Or, a person might say to their boss in a work environment: “The reason I’m always late for work, is that the traffic is shocking”.
Now traffic at 8 am on weekdays can be a challenge.
You can get stuck in traffic and it can take you a long time to get to work, especially when you encounter road works and accidents. But that’s not the reason the person is always late. Leaving home half an hour earlier is an option. But a loser will blame the traffic.
2. LOSERS MAKE EXCUSES, and excuses keep us stuck.
For example: “The reason I don’t get up for the kids at night is I have to go to work in the morning and I need my sleep”.
Or, “The reason I drink too much, is it’s in my genes” “The reason I don’t spend quality time with you, is my clients/mother/children, need me”.
It is true we need sleep. It is true that our genes can influence our behavior. It is true that we have responsibilities. But when we make excuses as losers, we stay stuck in destructive patterns that keep giving us poor results.
3. LOSERS ARE IN DENIAL, and denial can be so seductive!
For example: “I know that you think our relationship is in trouble, and you feel like leaving me now. But let’s have a baby, and you’ll get over it, trust me”.
Or, “I don’t have an anger management problem; its normal to let off steam from time to time”.
Or “I’m not being critical. It’s just that if I don’t tell you what you’re doing wrong, nothing will get done around the house”.
Or “I’m not having a heart attack; it’s just indigestion, I’ll be alright”.
When we Blame, Make Excuses and are in Denial, we are behaving like losers, and we are guaranteed to get poor results.
On the other hand, what are the 3 things that winners do in their relationship, that sets them up to get the love they ache for and the results they want?
1. WINNERS TAKE OWNERSHIP
They take ownership for their part in the result they’re getting.
They identify what they’re doing that contribute to the results they are getting. In their relationship, they realize that even though they do not condone their partner’s destructive behavior, they are responsible for their responses to that behavior, and even for their part in contributing to that behavior.
Eg. “I had an affair. I betrayed your trust and have seriously damaged our relationship. Please forgive me. I need to get help for what I have done”.
2. WINNERS ARE ACCOUNTABLE
Winners know that they are accountable for what they think, feel and do.
For example: If in a fit of frustration, a parent violently hits and injures their partner or child, a winner accepts that however extreme the provocation, at the end of the day, they are accountable for their action.
Eg : “I should not have hit you. I did and I hurt you. That is not OK. I am so so sorry. Please forgive me.”
When we take ownership of and accountability for what we do, we’ve taken a huge step towards changing our behavior and getting the love we ache for with our partner and being in a position to give that to our children.
3. WINNERS TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
For example: one partner says to the other: “I can see that I have been neglecting you. I know that I have taken you for granted and poured my time, energy and resources into my career, leaving you feeling alone and resentful. Yes, it’s been tough for me too. And… I have a responsibility to prioritise you and the kids and show you that by my actions. I’m sorry. Can we start again”.
Being a LOSER, is a decision. Being a WINNER is a decision. Whether we choose to be a winner or a loser makes a huge difference to the results in our lives and relationships.
Helping you make the right choice, and then putting it into action, is one of the many ways we can help you get the life and love you want.
To make that happen for you, you can contact us on 08 93839799 or at [email protected].